When the young man’s fancy turns to “where the hell did I put my cargo shorts last fall?”

The MPRE is the Multistate Professional Responsibility Exam:¹ it’s the yin to the Bar Exam’s yang.  The Shaq to the Bar Exam’s Kobe (in that you can’t possibly consent to what the Bar Exam will do to you, but it’ll buy you really nice things afterward if you keep your mouth shut).  The MPRE tests your knowledge of what is permissible, proper, and legal for lawyers and judges to do.

For instance, did you know that a lawyer is not permitted to accept payment of his fees in sexual favors?  Actually, you probably did.  That seems pretty self-evident, actually.  I don’t know why my professor bothered to-  oh.  Well then.  Moving on.

For the second year in a row, classes have been canceled due to snow.  Best of all, most of the snow is coming during the day, when I’ll be awake to enjoy it.  In the meantime, please review my scientific proof explaining how awesome snow days are.

In what scientists will doubtlessly (and breathlessly) refer to as Dominic’s Icy Precipitate Postulate of ‘09, I postulate the following.

The awesomeness of a snow day [UPDATED FOR 2010] is directly proportional to how much you expect it to happen.  For instance, as a wee child, you expect the heavens to issue a salvo of powdery white “Get Out of Doing Homework Free” cards upon command.  I mean, you begged and pleaded for those Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles action figures, and that worked, right?  It has to work for some snow: snow is free!

As you get older, this phenomenon eventually tapers off, as you’ve realized how badly you want something has little to no bearing on whether it happens: at least with regard to snowman DNA.  Eventually, you get to college in Buffalo, only to find out it doesn’t snow there nearly as much as you’d heard.

But here I am in New York City, which apparently gets about two feet of snow per winter.  I’m way more excited than I thought I would be for a snow day, mostly because I was convinced I’d never get another snow day in my life.  Which is what led me to create Dominic’s Icy Precipitate Postulate of ‘09.  Observe its elegant simplicity in chart form:

Look upon my works, ye employed, and despair!  I am nerd of nerds!

ahahahahaha

*gasp*

haaahahahaha

Jersey Shore’s Vinnie considering law school at Yale or Harvard:

“I took the LSAT.  My score was decent. I had a plan that if my score was really well [sic], then I might of [sic] just went [sic] to Yale or Harvard… But it was just mediocre. I can get into law school,” he added. “I had a 3.9 GPA, Latin Honors [wtf], but I’m doing this right now. Law school is always on the back burner.”

ahahaahahaahahahahahahaha*aneurysm*